


The life outside these walls

by Jean_does_not_have_a_horseface



Series: Father!Levi x Mother!reader Adventures [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, Father!Levi x mother!reader, Fluff, Future, Kids, Love, Pain, canonverse, parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2018-10-28 19:11:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10837602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jean_does_not_have_a_horseface/pseuds/Jean_does_not_have_a_horseface
Summary: Small connected oneshots with father!Levi and mother!reader. Not necessarily in chronological order...Or....Y/n and Jean might have been a thing during their cadet days but it's been two years since Jean decided to break it off. As Jean approaches Y/n again with the hope they can be together now that humanity is free he is  taken aback by learning she's happily married to and already has a kid with none other than their Corporal, Levi.~this is indeed a Levi x reader. i just figured an ex relationship of Y/n's past could give some more angst and a bit drama to the plot I'm going for~





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is also posted on my wattpad and Tumblr account :)

The dark brown, wooden house Jean stared from above was only a construction of four walls that kept him away from the only human being that he had been thinking all this time. With a deep sight he built up some courage to walk closer and finally walked up the stairs. His hand unconsciously went to knock on the door, although after doing so a feeling of regret washed all over him. He had been gone for almost a year and a half, he had no right to be knocking at her door after abandoning her in the middle of a fight. He hadn't celebrated their liberty with her. Yet he was so tempted to see how she looked liked, to smell her scent once again. He might have been gone for so long but she was still (Y/n). With her (h/l), (h/c) hair, her (E/c) eyes and that small smile that would only come out when she'd be with him. 

 

"Oh, Jean" the calling of his name brought him back to reality. Another wave of cold sweat run through him as he set his eyes on her; her image was the same mostly, her hair a little longer than he remembered, her eyes more bright, her skin even more clear. Time was already doing her well. What made his eyes widen though was the kid she was holding in her arms. It couldn't be more than six months old with jet black hair and mostly her complexion. The sight of the kid brought him utter disgust and fired the so feared feeling of betrayal in his stomach.

"Is this yours?" He spoke as if the kid was the most disgusting thing in the world; and to be honest it was in his point of view. He knew how babies were made and he didn't want to or rather, he couldn't possibly imagine her under someone else.

"His name is Kurt and yes he's mine" she was rather cold as she spoke, as if she didn't have a past with him. Although she didn't cease on inviting him into her small house. Good old (Y/n). She wouldn't make obvious she was angry. 

"So who's the father?" Jean gulped, afraid that his words were stabbing her like knives in her back. Afraid that she felt as he felt. But instead of answering directly, (Y/n) placed her son in his little crib that was close the small kitchen, marched to what seemed like the food she was cooking to check at it and then launched herself at the chair across from his. With a sweep of the back of her hand she took Jean's palms in hers and bit her lip before she spoke. Jean could sense her throbbing heart from the tightness of her grip and he was sure she could sense his too.

"My father wrote a letter before he died. I had told you it was for me, but in reality... it was for Levi."

 

What did Levi have to do with all of this?

"And after Levi refused, to my brother, since my father was already dead, I was free to expect the day I'd see the ocean to, and to make dreams about marrying someone that wasn't him this someone could have been you or anyone. Until my brother sent the letter back to me. Inside there was a small note from him too, saying that if I made it out alive and Levi did too, we'd get married. I didn't know if my brother was alive or dead, Levi didn't either and thus he said he was willing not to marry me if I loved you. But seeing you were gone, I obeyed my father's last command."

Jean's head throbbed at the receiving of such heavy new information. Levi. Out of all people outside these damned walls she married Levi. A man twice her age. The short bastard who... who... who she had gotten married to. Jean knew (Y/n) would never leave Levi now. She was the most dedicated person he knew, that's why she followed her father's orders. He felt so stupid for thinking about asking her to run away with him, even for one second. Maybe he didn't deserve it after all. Then again why wouldn't he? 

 

"I'm sure you'll find someone else Jean. We're still kids to say at least and you're a handsome young man."

That was probably the breaking point of his temper, of his freaking nerve. How could her voice be so pacifying yet so torturing at the same time? 

"What you should have been sure about is how fucking much I kept myself away from you knowing that maybe it'll hurt you to see me dead any time."

He was screaming at the top of his lungs but he couldn't realise it at the very moment. He felt betrayed, hurt, from the only person he didn't expect this from. He hadn't even realised his grip on her hands was enough to break her fingers. Because he really wanted to hit her at the moment. from having his dreams crushed. He always imagined him and (Y/n) having twins and a smaller kid and grow old together while his mother died in peace knowing he had gotten married to the right girl. 

 

"Jean please don't." (Y/n) spoke calmly as she sped to her now crying child to take it in her arms and comfort it. And then he stopped. He didn't say another word as he took steps backwards and walked out of the door, not listening to (Y/n)'s cries to prevent him from coming back. He even bumped on Levi on his way out and away but he decided not to bother. He had a tempter , a bad one. Why would she want to be with him now after he had talked to her like that in the same way back then.

Maybe he didn't really deserve this after all


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is five years and two more kids forward from the the first chapter.
> 
> (Y/n) decides to leave with Jean living her family behind. Levi has to cope up with three kids who only want their mother and reminisces how good his mother was to him and tried to take her as an example... although when the time comes, will he forgive (Y/n) once she comes back?
> 
>  
> 
> Ages and names of Levi's and (Y/n)'s kids so far
> 
> Kurt (6 years old)  
> Antony (4 years old)  
> John (2 years old)

"I dont want you. I want mommy." The little ravenette whined and hit his foot stubbornly on the floor. He still was so unable to understand why his mommy had been gone for so long or why his older brother wouldn't do anything to convince his daddy to bring her back. Their mother was so loving when she was along with their dad, and she never left their side. 

"Shut the fu- Tony, I'm trying to make your fucking cravat here and-"

"Mommy said you can't say bad words daddy" Kurt remarked, throwing some of his hair away from his face with his little hand. He had to make sure to remind his dad to groom his hair, because it had obviously gone unnoticed.

"Well guess what; your mother's not fuck- she's not here Kurt."

Levi was losing his temper at this point; not only did he have to dress his kids all by himself to take them to a feast nearby, he had to also deal with them asking for her all the time. The only thing that kept him calm was the thought of his mother. If she could have handle him, a small gloomy brat, all by her self, then he could handle three little brats. They were his sons, and they were grieving.

John hadn't really uttered a word after she had announced she'd leave them. Maybe it was because he was too young, but Levi certainly remembered the two year old kid being really talkative when his mother was around. Sure he was munching words and pronouncing some of them completely wrong, but it was really weird how he had stopped speaking. If she was there she'd say that he looked like her. She had been way too late to talk as a baby but Levi couldn't help but feel hurt at this. He knew that all of his kids were going through a shock because of their mother's disappearance. It had taken a toll on him to handle them all by himself.

"Oi little cadet, get up from that corner and come here so I can finish your cravat too." He spoke towards John's direction. Still the little kid wouldn't get up, even if he had just been ordered from his father. "John! Get your ass here"

"Another bad word daddy. I'll tell mommy this!" Kurt pouted. Levi glared at the six year old and clicked his tongue. He was not having it today.

"Tony, Kurt get your brother to freaking stand up, I can't deal with this" 

"Johnny, come on, we might see mommy there" Kurt said as he pulled John's smaller hand and watched as his grey eyes lit up.

"Mommy?" 

"Yes! Mommy, you midget, get up" this time it was Tony who spoke, jumping around in order to make his little cravat wave up and down.

Levi chuckled at his son's words. He knew damn well it was so unavoidable to try to make his sons not swear, because he wouldn't just cut the foul language out of his life. The kids said what they heard. He really had to stop swearing around them.

_______

"You're going to leave him, for like... forever? that's so harsh for you" Jean's voice lingered in her ears like bells ringing. 'harsh for her' why? Because people had gotten used to her being forgiving and kind? 

"Levi's been your husband for almost seven years (Y/n), you can't be seriously thinking of leaving him, right?"

"I.. I don't know Jean. All these years, I kept in thinking what would happen if we were still together."

"I can't take you back now (y/n), you know this. I can't do this to your sons. I can't steal you from them. I won't steal you when you're carrying this little one either." Jean whispered and brushed her barely swollen belly with his hand.

"But I'm not happy with Levi!" She cried out, tears falling down her cheeks. "I guess.."

"Is this your excuse for running away?" Jean ruffled his hand in his hair. His head was killing him from over thinking, and his heart was throbbing in his chest. He was so split on what should happen. If he said yes to running away with (Y/n) he'd tear up a family, and leave three sons without their mother. And then again, he wasn't sure he could accept having (Y/n) as his own while she had another of Levi's kids. 

He wanted her, he still needed her more than anything in the whole world and he'd give up everything to be with her, but he couldn't let her actually give up anything to be with him. Jean had nothing to lose, but (Y/n) had a family.

"I promise I will stay close to you, but you need to be the amazing mother you were once again. Youve never rebelled when we were young but this is irresponsible and egoistic. Leaving your children? That's not the (y/n) I know..."

(Y/n) was crying at his point. She wasn't able to regret ever having these three amazing kids with Levi. And she had missed them so much. She had been gone for so long and she had missed her sons so much. Even though she wanted to stay here and live Jean with everything in her, he was right. Her sons needed her, and Levi did too. How could she had been so cruel as to let him go through the same, twice. Levi had spend so many nights telling her that he'd never want to lose her because he didn't want to be a single parent. He was afraid from what had happened to his mother. He didn't want his sons to go through that too.

_______

"I want mommy to take me to bed, you sing like shit"

Levi's eyes widened at Tony's commenting. Oh he wasn't tolerating this. He wasn't just going to let these brats insult and do him how they wanted. He was humanity's strongest goddammit. Some three year old kid wouldn't just play him like he was some toy.

"Listen here you little midget, you'll sleep, you'll sleep, and-"

For a moment, by looking at his son's terrified eyes, his mother came to his mind once again. His gaze softened tremendously fast. He had to control his temper when he was around the kids. They didn't deserve to be mistreated because he couldn't handle his feelings.

"I promise you Levi, I'll be in your dreams too, just sleep"

"Close your eyes, Tony. Think of mommy and you'll see her. Maybe shes not here to sing her to you, but you remember how the song goes right? Imagine mommy here singing it to you. You too Jonny. If mommy was here she'd tell you just how much she loves you and run her delicate fingers through your hair. Mommy loves her boys and she'll be back soon. And I love you too you damned brats"

________

"It's mommy! It's mommy ITS MOMMY!" Johnny's voice ringed through the whole house all the while he jumped up and down in front of the window. He hadn't seen his mother in months and he was so excited she was back and as pretty as he remembered.

As quickly as his little feet could hold him he run off to open the door and speed into his mother's embrace. She happily kneeled to his level and took him in her arms and John felt the familiar scent being all over him once again. His mommy was back and he had missed her so so much.

(Y/n) had stayed down on her kid's level until her stomach started hurting, signaling that it was time for her to get up. Her little bump would be hurt if she didn't move soon but John was using all his damned force to keep her down on his level, and god was he strong and steady like his dad.

"Daddy I'm telling you I can't find John anywh- MOM!" (Y/n) turned to look at her other son, who was running with force towards her. And then, the other one. Kurt and Antony had left Levi staring at her dumbfounded while they run towards her, with tears staining their little gray eyes.

"Mommy, mommy, mommy" Tony jumped on his spot before throwing his arms around her back, falling onto his brother's hand. Still (Y/n), kept her little one in between her arms as the other two boys tried to squeeze the life out of her.

"Mommy, daddy was swearing a lot while you were gone." Tony mumbled in her back and rubbed his head on it.

"Yes mom. He's been yelling all the time and he's making us help him with the farm" Kurt continued "and John's been sitting in his corner "

"No I am not you fuck!" The little boy yelled at his brother, leaving you completely awestruck by his vulgarity. 

"John watch your language please" (Y/n) spoke in a harsh tone. How much had Levi been swearing exactly, for John, your quiet little boy, to start speaking like that. 

And then, it occurred her; she had to speak with Levi too. Ask if he accepted her back into his life after this huge mistake she had done. She didn't want her new kid to have no father, she didn't wouldn't even be able to provide it on her own because the world had neglected the people that came from the inside of the walls. Not that they could go live on the other side and plus the little civilization inside the walls didn't even like or trust one another.

"Go inside loves, I need to talk to daddy" she said and threw a soft hit at Johnny's butt to make him move faster to the inside of the house. It already was too late for him since the sun had been setting for a long time now. She knew Kurt would be the last to leave, because he always stayed behind his brothers to protect them.

"Mommy?" Her oldest son spoke, pushing some dark brunette strands away from his face with his palm. It was only then that she realised his undercut was more sharp and that his bangs resembled Levi's more than they did when she had left.

"Yes baby?" She answered with a smile and saw as his son's eyes landed on her proud and swelling belly, although he rather not say anything.

"Daddy missed you a lot too. He was crying one night and when I asked him if he was crying for you he told me to fuck off while whipping. And then he said he's sorry and hugged us and told us that he loves us a lot."

"Kurt! What have I told you about-"

"I promise I'm not swearing mommy, I've been a good boy!" The kid spoke a little louder than he did before and planted a kiss to his mother's cheek, leaving her to deal with Levi.

Once the kid was in the house, she slowly walked toward she small building that Levi would use for his cleaning equipment. She could remember that this was all he ever wanted. A room like this, all to himself. But at the moment the room they were in didn't really matter, as long as she got to talk to him. 

"I'm sorry" was all she could mutter before building up the courage to utter any other words out. She'd always been forgiving people and she prayed levi could forgive her for her hideous mistake. "I don't really know what I was trying to do, I missed Jean, I missed how I felt and who I was with him, while when I'm here I have so many roles and it was too much. You're always swearing at me, but thats not an excuse because that's what you always do and sometimes I feel like you don't love me, but now I'm sure you do, because i do too and I'm so sorry" 

Usually Levi would hate it when people cried like babies in front of him, even his sons, but this was so sincere. He'd been lied to a thousand times while living in the underground, he was able to see a truthful look and right now, at this very moment before him, was a woman who had been forced into motherhood from a young age, who had been confused about what she wanted or not and he'd be lying if he said he hadn't seen an outburst like that coming.

But she had come back. Not because she felt obligated to, but because she loved him. And not many people in his life had loved him. Not like this. Maybe... never like this. Being a father had changed him. He couldn't leave (Y/n) because she did something wrong. He'd stay with her for every single thing she had done right. Starting with giving life to a part of his flesh and bones. To three of them. 

Yet he had been hurt and a part of him didn't want to allow her to hurt him again, but he'd never been in love before and it was supposed to hurt, right?

" I don't expect you to take me back, I'm not worthy of it but please, forgive me for what I've done" 

Her every word would hit him like a knife in his back. Why could he never be happy in his damned life? All these people were gone and yet he somehow wished (Y/n) was dead too, because being abandoned felt even worse than losing her for an eternity.

Somehow, and ever so suddenly, as if some greater forced had made him, he felt the need to look at her form from head to toe. 

She had a growing belly. He'd seen it again so many times and maybe if he had his gear on at the moment he'd cut his own head off. 

Yes she had been gone, but having a child with someone else was beyond the point of unforgivable. Was that body officially his? He'd claimed her so many times at so many places and the mere thought of her giving his property to someone else made his anger boil. He'd never thought of her being like that with Jean , expect for when she told him she'd lost her virginity to him.

"How can you ask for forgiveness when you've got someone else's spawn inside of you?" He spat, with glowing eyes. "You were supposed to be mine and no one else's. You fucking promised me your mind and soul and you expect me to forgive this shitty act? How can I take such a filthy thing back, huh? I was struggling to keep those settings of ours alive while you were whoring with that mother fucker-"

"NO" She yelled and put a stop at good monologue. "I wasn't whoring. I might have been away with him but he never even touched a single hair on my body. It's still yours, it'll always be..." She was sure that if her kids had heard her screaming so hysterically, they would have been really scared at this point. Her heart and head throbbed, one trying to beat the other, as she felt like fainting. She had probably hurt her unborn by all the tension that had gathered in her chest.

Once again a sentence played in his mind like a mantra. He'd stay with her for every single right thing she had done instead of dumping her for one mistake. 

Maybe he wasn't in control of his body probably because next thing he knew was that they were kissing, as passionately as they could. He only let small whimpers of words every time they parted such as "it's mine" "please be a girl" "I love you"

"Am I forgiven?" She asked, a new wave of tears running down her face 

"Just as much as you were missed"  
____

"Told you babies come from kissing, you idiot" Tony yelped and flicked hos brothers forehead.

"Tony I'll tell mom"

"Tell me what?" (Y/n) smiled as she entered their room, watching them laying next to each other as the first morning light came into the room.

"That he knows how babies are made"

"Ohhh" her (E/c) eyes widened and let out a stuttering. She only prayed they didn't listen to her and Levi last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if you want anything else to happen with Levi and his family in the comments :D


	3. Daddy's Never Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you can see how much my writing has changed over almost one year and a half by comparing this chapter to the older ones! 
> 
> This is small and heartbreaking.
> 
> I tried to keep it as spoiler free as I could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place before chapter 2 
> 
> Kurt is 4 years old
> 
> Tony is 2
> 
> Johnny is not born yet

It's a cold little hand on your belly that shoots your eyes awake, even though you deserve to sleep way more than what you have already slept. Two tiny voices speak softly since their goal isn't to wake you up, and you can't help but what to giggle at them not realizing they have done exactly what they didn't want.

"Mommy's got another one in her belly, shes gonna stop loving us now!"

"Huh? Why?"

"She's only going to care about the new baby."

"But I lowe mommy!"

Your palm slaps your forehead in such loud manner that it makes the two little ones scream at the top of their lungs for a mere second. You've never had Levi talk to them about this, and they're definitely not going to believe you when you'll say you'll love them even if you give birth to another baby, but you sure have to.

"Mommy we're sorry we woke you up!" Kurt speaks up before his small brother can utter a word, standing apologetically at the edge of your bed.

"It's fine baby, can you help mommy a little bit though?" You ask, trying your best to get up from the bed, paying a lot of attention to the pain in your lower back, that just seems to drag you back onto the sheets. There's a pained expression on your face that's probably scaring Kurt, you notice, because he motions closer to you, asking if he can help you get up. "Can you help your brother get dressed? We're going to visit daddy today." 

Your little one smiles as he heards the sweet sound of that word leave your mouth. You know how much your sons love Levi, how much they look up to him and how much they miss him when he's away. They don't spend much time with him, seeing that it's really hard to get a hold of Levi at times of war like this, but Levi himself wants to see his little son's before he's off to that goddamned trip.

 

________

 

Tony is resting peacefully in Levi's arms, snuggling closer and closer to his father. He can't seem to want to share him with his older brother, who stands next to them, a stubborn look adorning his young and round features. 

"Daddy mommy's got a baby. You know?"

Levi chuckles softly at this. Tony speaks really well for his age, that's for sure, and he's too intelligent when he wants to. It's a bit saddening that the little one things he doesn't know you're having a third child. He probably can't even remember the last time he was home to see them, or maybe his young brain can't connect any memory of him being with you with a bumpier belly. Either way, it's a sad fact that he can't be home anytime soon.

"Yeah daddy, do you know?" Kurt speaks, adding salt to Levi's wound. Even Kurt can't remember of a time that Levi's home for the past few months. "Mommy have you told papa?" Kurt looks at you now and rests his small head on Levi's shoulder. His father's head lands on top of his, reassuringly, lovingly. Kurt misses that.

"Yes baby. Daddy knows. I promise that when he's back he's going to retire and live with us, we don't want you forgeting he exists." 

There's a little salt in your tone as you say that, and Levi can't help but feel even more hurt. He just wants to survive this, he just wants this to end so he can come live with you and your kids, he wants to open up that tea shop he's always dreamed of, and help with the farm you've set up. 

"I'm not going to forget dad!" Tony bursts out loud from Levi's arms, although Kurt looks so troubled at that statement that he surely has to speak. "On Monday he asked me how does dad look like because he can't remember. And i didn't remember too well either." 

There are tears in the corners of both yours and Levi's eyes as the kid confesses. It's so bad to be a child in this world. It's such a misfortune to be born to Levi Ackerman and (y/n) (L/n). Your kids have to suffer with not even remembering the face of their father because he has to be away for so long. They have to feel guilty for not remembering their fathers face, because that child doesn't? Certainly none of their friends. They have to suffer when seeing their friends have fun with their fathers as they go hunting and fishing and playing loudly in their yards.

"I told him that I guess papa looks like me but with darker hair. Mommy always tells me I look like daddy. So momma and Tony don't miss daddy that much since they have me, right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if you like it and what you'd like to see in the future!  
> Thanks for reading my loves


End file.
